Today, I performed in seminar. I’ll be putting a video up soon I’m sure, but the video does not capture what happened in class today. Honestly, I don’t even remember singing the dang song at all. All I know is that at the end of it, the entire class audibly and cumulatively sighed in appreciation and admiration of what had just happened. I guess I did something right. It was an amazing feeling. That hasn’t ever happened to me. I got so excited that I even started screaming and jumping in front of everyone. Totally killed the mood lol. Anyway, I was thinking about that today and how I get so stressed out because I’m surrounded by some amazing people who are so incredibly talented at what they do-it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. And then I received this text message from a dear friend:
"Yo, so I know I’ve told you already, but I just wanted to let you know how spectacular you were in seminar today. Every single vocal/performance choice you made was perfect, and all the work you put in really showed. You should know that you’re a very talented vocalist and that you’re much more capable than I think you believe you are. Don’t get down on yourself for not being in showcase either because you are just as good, if not better than any of the bgvs tonight, at least in my opinion. Just thought I should let you know! :D have a good night!"
Exactly what I needed tonight. Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m the bees knees or anything, but it is nice to hear that you’re valued and that your hard work and effort doesn’t go unnoticed. I just…..I’m glad.
Also, the Commercial Showcase tonight was amazing. The highlight for me was Cody Fry’s set. I have enjoyed getting to know him and becoming friends with him, and it was so amazing to see him perform some songs from his new album. He’s so incredibly talented. All three songs were flawless. Go buy his album. Now. You will not regret it.
I’ve noticed that my stomach gets really uneasy and there’s almost that “butterfly feeling” that makes me sick. I get super antsy and excited and can’t seem to get a hold of myself.
I’m feeling like this right now. It’s driving me nuts. I feel like a crazy person. I need to figure out an outlet. I’ve got way too much on the inside that really needs out, I just don’t know how to do that.
Watching stupid television shows/watching half of terrible movies before finally deciding to turn it off and sharing a bed with one of my best friends. Also, that feeling you have of pride after working out hard for a couple days.
Things I do not enjoy:
Doing homework at 12:30 on a Saturday night and the anticipation of busy, unforgiving days ahead. Also, sore everything.
4 freaking years and there’s still a mess to be dealt with. The one that you made.
4 years and I’m still not smart enough to know when I’m acting out of anger towards you rather than the situation at hand.
I’ve allowed myself hope for you and even that causes me to lash out at others for your sake.
How do you haunt me still? And can I even say any of this to you directly? Of course not, because outwardly my actions have been nothing but full of mercy and grace which is what I guess I’m supposed to be. I can’t undermine that without feeling worthless.
I doubt you’ll ever fully recognize what you’ve done. I swear I’m not always angry with you like this, but right now I’m mad as hell.
Sometimes this tumblr becomes more of a venting post that anything else. Sorry.
You were the subject.
It was an awkward hug, but felt so familiar. Almost comforting. Conversation was timid. I have my suspicions. I’ve buried all the secrets I know. I can’t clearly recall the words exchanged anymore. But in the back of my mind, I will forever be curious. I barely know you today, yet somehow I still know you to the core. I wonder… Why did? Will you? Will we? When? Our distance is equal now. This should not be on my mind tonight.
was amazing. I love the fact that I had the opportunity to be a part of that.
More specifically, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to be a part of Jazzmin. Gah. They rock. I can’t believe I get to be surrounded by them and make music with them on a regular basis. It’s amazing. I’m so glad that we’re getting to become friends. It’s almost as if we’re a little family that loves each other and has inside jokes and laughs with each other and all that other silly stuff. I just get so excited when friendship happens. Hugs from Cody, jokes with Greg, moments with Abi, collaborating with Anna-Catherine. It’s all just so wonderful.
I really hope we make it on tv. We worked so hard. So hard. Cody’s arrangement is flawless and I think we all did a pretty good job of presenting good musicality while at the same time having our performance faces on.
was a great night. I was surrounded by wonderful people, creating wonderful music, and we had wonderful food and drink while enjoying some wonderful conversation. It’s times like those when I am reminded of just how blessed I really am. I love friendships. I love music. I love food. I love laughter. All of those things occurred last night with people whom I love and care about dearly, but also with some people that I would’ve never expected to connect with in any way. The Lord continually provides me with exactly what I need, in perfect timing according to His will. I am so thankful.