I have to remind myself
that my friends aren’t the same ones as I had in high school.
I can’t help but still get hurt feelings sometimes, though.
Guess that’s life.
I can’t sleep.
I’ve laid in bed for over an hour in the dark, wrapped in covers, electronics turned off and set aside, and yet I just can’t seem to get to sleep.
It would be fine, except I started thinking….a lot. And then I got upset.
The reason I’m upset?
I realized that I have not had my voice, or been able to sing as freely as I know I can, in two months. TWO WHOLE MONTHS. And I’m terrified that this is something that’s gonna stick around.
This sounds like something really trivial, and to be quite honest, I recognize that it is in the big scheme of things. I do not place my identity in my voice, and I don’t find my entire value in my ability to sing. With that said, not having a voice can really take it’s toll emotionally on a singer like me. I mean, this is what I’m hoping to make a career out of. This is what I’m entering my fourth year of pursuing a degree in. This is a big deal to me.
And for two months, I’ve been deprived of the ability and the joy of singing until my heart is content. This is something that is really sad.
I’m just really nervous. It could be nodes. It could be tonsils. It could be just some major fatigue. Some of these things could require surgery or long-term vocal rest. Either way, I don’t like it. I hate it, in fact.
I’ve had a lot to think about since I’m not able to use my voice. I’ve thought about the fact that my identity is found in Christ. That no matter whether or not I can sing pretty doesn’t matter in His eyes. That He gives and takes away.
Forgive me if this is way off track, as I’m sure it may well be, but I’m left questioning why a God that would give me a gift to use in His name, and give me a heart that was so incredibly passionate about sharing this gift and using it to the best of my ability to carry out His will, would take said gift away.
I just don’t know. And my emotions are on pretty thin ice right now.
Prayers.
Things I think when I see pictures/videos/posts from people back home:
I’m just really glad I got the hell outta Delaware.
(Source: ifonlyyouwerefood, via whatstherumpus)
The world will steal your innocence…
…but it will not steal your substance.
Looking through these pictures is making my heart ache so badly. Gahhhhh.
May 17, 2011:
This was the day we traveled from Milan to Trento. We ate an early breakfast and hopped on a bus, traveling through the beautiful countryside of Northern Italy, stopping for lunch in the village of Cembra. It was absolutely gorgeous! All of us had plenty of wine to drink at lunch, a great memory being that Dr. Warren got tipsy and started making the most hilarious jokes. We then hiked a really pretty trail to visit the Sant Pyramids of Segonzano. The hike was miserable, seeing as we’d all just eaten and drunken a little too much. I remember sitting by a stream with a couple friends as we waited to board the bus to Trento. After an amazing dinner in Trento, we gave our first concert at the Chiesa di San Francesco Saverio! That concert was probably my favorite. Oh my gosh. The town itself was beautiful, and the church we sang in was absolutely gorgeous. Also, I’ve never seen people so enthusiastic about music! We were applauded for well over ten minutes. People were cheering and smiling. They greeted us as we left with beautiful Italian words of encouragement. We went back to the hotel and changed out of our concert attire, and I went with friends to one of the few restaurants in the small town that was still open…a little outdoor pizzeria where we learned a German drinking song with Dr. Ames and his friends! This was one of my FAVORITE days of the trip.
Please please please take me back.
Oops!
Realized that the pictures I posted the other day that were supposed to be from May 15th, 2011 were actually mainly from May 15th, 2011 :) I was a day early. I was just so excited to revisit pictures from Milano!
I’ll be posting from May 17th, 2011 very soon :)
A year ago today, I was on my way with the Belmont University Chorale to Italia. I miss it so much and think about it literally every day.
Kristen Wright had the brilliant idea of posting a picture for every day we were there. I think I’ll try to do the same.
These pictures are from day one. We arrived in Milano mid-morning, exhausted but excited to begin our journey. Gah. Memories are flooding my mind. TAKE ME BACK.
Being completely fine with the fact that I haven’t worn makeup in 3 days is a good feeling. (Taken with instagram)
♕ | Campanile/Bell Tower - Florence, Italy | by © Joe Boyle not a day goes by that i don’t miss italy. my heart belongs there. (via roskowithak)
